For Bhiya

My Bhiya (My Brother)

You came into our lives like a shooting star

Very close to our heart, though now you are very far

You are one and only, none other like you

I will always love you and that will forever be true

I clearly remember the time when we first met

Your smile on that day I can never forget

‘Tall, friendly, constantly joking and making everyone laugh’

It was so much fun that spending time with you was never enough

We shared many memories, joyful moments and laughter

Makes me smile because that’s my life’s best chapter

Birthdays, longdrives, timeless addas, cooking and fun

That summer of 2007 at house-69 was the best one

I can go on with every little moment we all shared

Lifetime of memories, with those nothing can be compared

I am glad cause, I was blessed to have a brother like you

You aren’t just my Bhiya, but my guardian and a best friend too.

You guided me when I was lost, gave me strength when I was weak

Every little thing you had done made you special and unique

I am lucky to be your ‘Pichchi’ and lucky to be your sister

I have learned so much from you that made my life better

You advised me, protected me and guided me to do right

You were always there for me and made everything alright

I believe, you are in a better and peaceful place

Your care, your love- no one can ever replace

It’s true that I cry, I grief and mourn for losing you

when you left, a part of me went with you too

You can never be forgotten, will always be with us

Every one of our memories are very precious

I love you very much and I miss you everyday

In my heart and in my mind that’s where you stay

Whenever I can, I close my eyes to say a little prayer

I can feel, you smiling and watching me from up there

I believe now some bonds can be made from the soul

Painful to accept but many things in life we can’t control

You came into our lives like a shooting star

Very close to our heart, though now you are very far

-         Your Pichchi

Tthua

Every time someone talks about the natok 'Tthua'.. only picture comes to my mind.. bhiya sitting on the couch and laughing so hard about the same part again and again... even though we watched that natok more than 3 times


Aunty ( Bhiya's Mom) was enjoying some bangla sad mellow drama on tv and discussing how sad the drama was with me.. and were waiting for bhiya to arrive home after work..


after bhiya got home he asked aunty why she was watching such a sad natok, so he insisted her to watch the best natok.. he started laughing talking about it with aunty and he didnt even take a second, stopped that sad drama and asked me to find 'Tthua' from website..he didnt even change out of his cloth..


Aunty didnt understand much of the natok as it was made by the new generations.. so after watching for first 5 minutes she left to the kitchen.. as soon as bhiya's favorite part came on he started calling aunty saying she was missing out on the best part of the natok.. bhiya beside me, was laughing so hard and repeating with the natok " ekta manusher daat thakbo na ken.." bhabi, aunty and i were enjoying bhiya's laugh more than the natok at that moment.. how everytime same thing makes him laugh like that!

Dolce far niente

Most of the time we don’t realize what we have until we lose it. We are so busy with our work, school or doing absolutely nothing. We don’t have enough time to call our parents or stay connected with old friends.

Have been laying down on vaiya’s sofa since 4 am trying to sleep. Not happening. Looked at my phone, reading old txt massages. I don’t know how, but even after restoring and formatting my phone for more than 20 times. Vaiya’s last txt to me is still there. It’s been close to a year.

After leaving from Saskatoon, I stayed in Calgary for a month before visiting Bangladesh. I talked to vabi couple of times just for my girlfriend (Norah) but never had a chance to talk to vaiya. Because I was busy doing nothing for a month in Calgary.

Just before I was going to the airport I sent this txt to vaiya. I wrote “I will talk to you from Bangladesh.” I did see him in Bangladesh, but he never talked back.

Now I am sitting here on vaiya’s sofa that I kept as a memory. It’s reminding me of those times when me and vaiya used to sleep on this sofa bed to watch cricket match, and talk about the weirdest nasty things in life. Here I am enjoying my time of doing nothing. No idea if I will regret this time tomorrow.

I was. I am. I want.

I was sleeping. The sun was shining on my back from my window. I felt a vibration beside my pillow. I am not an early bird. Hate waking up in the morning. Half of my eyes closed, I looked at my phone. It shows “Imon vaiya”. I was too scared to get my ass kicked, so had to pick up my phone. He didn’t wait for me to say hello. Started whispering “opal tor vabi hospital e. Tora taratari ai.” I could feel the panic attack he was having. Hanged up even before I could ask who, what, where, how. 

After going to vaiya’s place, he told me to go with him to the hospital. We were gonna bring Norah home. I love that name. I was very proud because I won both of the name voting that went on for last couple of months for Aryan and Norah. Norah’s other name option was Zara. When I heard about Zara I told vabi it reminds me of Shah Rukh Khan.  As vaiya started his car I was unpacking Norah’s brand new car seat. After my hopeless try outs I asked vaiya to put it together. Even he couldn’t figure it out, as I watched and laughed at him. He always used to tell us about how he’s getting a PHD on how to raise a child. I could tell he never paid attention in class. We carried the two piece car seat to the car and just shoved it in the back seat. I told him “ki baal er class korso? Ekta baby seat lagaite paro na.” If he wasn’t having a panic attack at that moment I would definitely get my ass kicked. He just gave me a wide look and bite his bottom lips. 

I have never been so surprised in my life when vabi called me while we were in the car. I have seen apu staying in hospital for week after Aryan was born. As far as my knowledge goes I thought vabi would stay in the hospital fore a week too. I imagined her laying down on the bed with a smile, and wont be able to speak loudly. After I picked up the phone she said “tomar vatiji wait korche. Taratari asho.” I replied “oke chacchu bolte shikhao. amra garite.” I could hear her usual silly laugh as she hanged up the phone. 

I have never seen anyone walk and talk freely after birth labour pain with a huge smile. She couldn’t wait till she sees all of us with Norah. I felt the whole world pause when I looked at Norah. She looked like vabi but her eyes were close like vaiya. What an angel !!!

I am almost having a heart attack watching the Bangladesh vs England game. What a magnificent win. I always used to watch every Bangladesh game with vaiya. As time passed by vaiya got busy with family and Norah. Yet I would always hear from him. Him or vabi would call for links to watch the game. He would have been very happy to see Bangladesh win. I am sitting here alone in my basement. Bangladesh’s win made me happy. But every time I think about expressing my joy toward the Tigers, I see vaiya’s face in front of me. 

I want to be excited about Norah’s first birthday. I want to plan her birthday for months. Like we do for Ayaan and Aryan. I want to decorate and make her a nice 1st birthday picture. I want special order cake, yummy food, and our good old family. Instead I woke up 8pm in the evening, and went to apu’s house to celebrate Norah’s birthday without her, vaiya, and vabi. Ayaan got to cut the cake for her. I had Norah on skype cam and put my laptop beside the cake. I was holding the laptop for everyone to see her. I didn’t want to hold my laptop. I wanted her. I wanted to take lots of nice cute pictures of her on her 1st birthday. We took picture with a laptop screen. We hold piece of cake in front of the cam so she could see it. I didn’t want any of these. 

I was happy because I was the first one to get her from the hospital. 

I am sitting here and waiting for vaiya, vabi to call me. 

I wanted to hold Norah on her birthday, listen to vaiya’s stupid joke, and eat vabi’s food so I can make fun of her.

anywhere i go have You in my mind..
at work, thinking about those times... often you used to do surprise visit at my work.. i would see bhabi first with her big smile..and then I'd look for you (somehow always missed your entrance).. you would be hiding somewhere and laughing about my concerned face for not finding you.. and then you would scare me from the back :(... those made my days... ( even if you didnt come to surprise me, i knew after work for sure i would be seeing you and get to spend time with you).. bhabi would say , shobshomoy ekoi jinish korbe..

remember when u saw my huge manager (shouldnt say like this ) you said to me, " pichchi or beshi kase jash na.. toke ekebare kheye felte parbe"... :)..and other jokes
you would be looking around in the store.. and ask me about what would look cool on you.. (everything looked good on you bhiya).. one time you bought this spring off-white jacket which you liked so much that you pretty much wore everywhere you went and you named it your cool 'windbreaker' ( although it wasnt much of a windbreaker)..you wouldnt admit even u were freezing in that jacket..

there were times when you or bhabi would drop me off to work and pick me up too..its scary that i still think in my head i might get surprise visits...and now days dont even wanna pass.. 'missing you'?- this is not even close to this feeling...